In exactly seven days from now, I will be eighteen years old. All you'd be able to hear me say in the past couple of years has been, "I cannot wait to turn 18, life is going to be much better." Life is much better already, but not because of my age, it's mostly because I've decided to just say "fuck it" whenever something bad pops up. I'm still finding something to smile about at the end of each sucky day. And I realize, for the first time in years, it's okay for me to make stupid stupid stupid mistakes and decisions, and no one has the right to take my dignity away. And no one will, unless I let them, but we all know that isn't going to happen.

I'm slowly letting my nerves about college getting to me and I know it's normal so I'm not necessarily stressing it. It's just a lame thing to be worried about at this point.

I'm going on an adventure, alone. Well, not necessarily alone, but I will be doing things in an unfamiliar place (but with someone I love dearly), and I cannot wait. While I'm in the midst of doing such things on my adventure, I'm also visiting Whittier. My fingers are crossed that it's the college for me, because I'm having some doubts, ack. We'll see what happens. I just want to be able to say, "HEY I'm doing this and I'm completely secure and happy with my decision," that is all.



I am content. Maybe slightly above content. Just better than usual.

Danny: So I guess this is where I tell you what I learned - my conclusion, right? Well, my conclusion is: Hate is baggage. Life’s too short to be pissed off all the time. It’s just not worth it. Derek says it’s always good to end a paper with a quote. He says someone else has already said it best. So if you can’t top it, steal from them and go out strong. So I picked a guy I thought you’d like. ‘We are not enemies, but friends. We must not be enemies. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. The mystic chords of memory will swell when again touched, as surely they will be, by the better angels of our nature.’


(from American History X)